Its been 7 days since Ah Ma passed away...
The feelings of sadness still lingers around...
I've never thought that I'll be this sad..
And surprisingly, I am..

Heard of things that she used to tell others about me..
Which I haven't heard of, nor did I thought that she would really be that happy to know that I've graduated from NUS... and given her some money...

Among the 21 cousins, I'm the only ONE that is a graduate.
The rest, I shall not mention.
She is indeed proud of me. But she never show it on her face.
She didn't fancy me since young. And always prefers my eldest cousin, 10 days older than me. A He.
Every good thing has been given to them. None for me.
But I know that things started changing as she got older.
I dunno its cause she has opened her mindset, or that I have proved myself worthy.

I've many regrets. For not spending enough time talking to her.
I really dunno what I have been thinking. Was I bearing grudge against her?
I doubt it. I was just plain lazy. Yes, LAZY!!

I just can't be bothered to sit there talking to her, and I wonder why.
It could have been times of real good heart-to-heart chat.
And I could have hear better things.
But its all too late..
She's gone... FOREVER....
Can't hear her voice anymore.
And all that remains, is just her face in my memory, her image in the last days, where she is simply left with skin and bones.. and my graduation photo taken at the studio. I'm glad I asked her along to take the photos.
She was indeed happy to see that. She had such a smily face then.

Bye Ah Ma... I'll always remember you........

Bless her, Lord I pray.. that on her way.. she'll meet souls who are Christians, and who'll spread the Gospel with her.. and that she'll change her route...
I dunno if that'll ever happen, maybe in my dreams, maybe it'll really happen...
In Jesus's name I pray,
Amen.


-RacheL- blogged @ 2/02/2005 07:15:00 PM