And I'm sooo tired...and not happy at all..

Sianz.....

And this is wearing both of us down...
Can we just call it off???
There's no way i can see what i need coming in...
And we are both sooo stressed to make the most wonderful wedding happen...

He says he give up... and i hope i can just do so too...
but its just not coming in as much and as fast as we need it to...

How to have faith?? I have lost most of it...
Looking at the budget list.. i really feel like its impossible...
And I just pray...that the reno loan will be approved....
Else... we can just move into an empty house in 4 months time...

We have a house.. but nothing inside... coz we do not have the means for the things to be inside...
Half placed deposits all over the place.....
Waiting for doomsday i feel.....

the day.. maybe companies will sue us for cheating.. for not paying them....for delaying....
but i really hope not...

but where's it coming from??

i have no idea..and i dun wanna think...

how i wish i can just sleep and wake up to see my bank full of money......

if only.......

i'm suffocating.. and i'm finding it harder to breathe.....

-RacheL- blogged @ 4/22/2008 09:57:00 PM

One more month to the Big Day..
The day I'll be Mrs Chua..
Mmm....exciting..and suddenly it seems so fast!

Heee.... still got some things left to pay and another big figure to pay for the food itself on the day...
Mmm..God, I pray that You'll send me more people in the next 15 days... so that I can close more deals to pay for the bills!! :)

And.. i need a HSBC card.. anyone has?? Can help me pay for something? And I pay you back in cash? Coz i need the 15% discount! Wahahaha... :P

-RacheL- blogged @ 4/10/2008 01:56:00 AM

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-RacheL- blogged @ 4/05/2008 09:04:00 PM

On my way to work on this faithful day, I received an sms from a dear one...

"do you have a POSB Saving account no.? Can give me?"

me: huh?? xxx-xxxxx-x why??

"to steal your money. you believe?"

me: no. not possible.. ??

----no reply thereafter----


when i reached the next destination where there is an ATM.. i checked....

Lo and behold.. $xxx was added to my account??!!??!!
Just so that I would not make a fool of myself and to be sure, i waited till i could get hold of my internet banking device at home....
1:30am - i checked.. and yes! it was from xxx!!
But why?? too late... so i waited till next morning, which is today....

me:"you transfered $xxx to me?? for??

"to bless you la.. :)"

me:" huh??...... plus a few more smses....

And i just wanna say - THANK YOU!

It's never a thought to be receiving anything from you... i mean... I only wonder when I'll get cash blessings in this manner, though I've heard of dozens of stories of how people get blessed in this manner.. but I always wonder how it'll happen to me... and you are the least person that I would think of... no.. not that you are stingy.. but you dun have alot too.. and I really thank you for blessing me.. and you are the 1st person on earth to bless me in this manner! I mean.. excluding what our parents and relatives sometimes give us while we were younger... it has been yearsssssssssss that i receive any money from anyone besides from my company...

Heee.. all the years of sowing into other's lives, have reaped a little return.. :)
And I know.. that this is only the beginning of the harvest that is bountiful to come... (is there such a sentence... but this is what I'm feeling.. hahha... )

Yeah.. and I pray that God'll bless you a hundred fold for sacrificing, even in the midst of your own needs... :)

God is always good and faithful. He knows best, when is the right time that the blessing should come. God is never early and never late... and He's waiting to see if you have the faith to trust Him to see you through.... God is good... and so are you.. :)
Love you!! :)

I'm so happy.. even though its not a BIG BIG 15 months bonus kind of amount, it's definitely enough to last us a 1-2 weeks.. hehe... every little cents count these days.. and I thank God for a timely blessing...

Bless you too! :)

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.. :)

-RacheL- blogged @ 4/05/2008 08:39:00 PM

You Are 64% Control Freak

You are a pretty major control freak, though you may not know it. While your confidence is inspiring, your bossy ways tend to scare people off.

-RacheL- blogged @ 4/05/2008 08:39:00 PM

What Neo Shu Ting Alice Rachel Means

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life. You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you. At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself. You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do. You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way. And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life. You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it. You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life. You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone. Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is. You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily. You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind. A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

____________________________________________

Seems like its quite accurate for some... but there're a few paragraphs that's exactly the same as BB... Mmmm.. is that why we are for each other?

-RacheL- blogged @ 4/05/2008 08:35:00 PM

Gosh.. its coming nearer and nearer... and i wonder how prepared are we mentally, physically and financially.. hahha... i think we are not prepared in any of the manners...

Mentally, we are totally stressed out.. and freaking out at the amount of pressure everyone or anyone or maybe we are putting on ourselves...
What are we expecting after 10 May? Or even 1 Sep?
What's our life going to be?
BB asked," what do you see yourself doing after our wedding?"
Profound question.. isnt it life as usual, doing what I've always been doing?
Wake up, work, out, home, online, pray, sleep...
But he's not convinced...

I guess its really time to sort things out on our own, figure out how 2 persons with contrasting personalities are going to live together in love, in harmony and in peace...
Sick and tired of all the disagreements, arguments, unhappiness...and it has not even started...
BB missed the days when we first started out, it was just us, and our time spent together, talking about anything and everything, except money... those were the happiest moments of our lives...
have we took to plunge too fast and too quick?
That we are going through the repercussions now? Sigh...
I dunno.. i only know that I have to work triply hard from now till the remaining at least 120 days... (coz last 30days where got time to work?? and prob some days in between..and minus-ing the sat & sun...) or the day will not come.. the day may come.. but nothing may happen on that day.....

Why am I so tired and lethargic?
No motivation at all, when there is indeed a true motivation that should have motivated me..
what's wrong?

God, I need You to lead me....

-RacheL- blogged @ 4/04/2008 10:32:00 AM