Well.. things have been moving fast... been thinking quite a fair bit last few days..

Checked myself, examined myself, sought God, prayed.. released... better!

Hahaha... Life's always full of ups and downs... and I guess that was another testing for me.

My attitude was real bad on Sunday. I don't want to blame anyone for it. But I had to admit that I let my emotions got the better of me. I simply couldn't care less and I simply let out ALL my feelings.. yesh... it was written all over my face.. Everyone could tell something was wrong... and everyone wondered what happened...

Well.. it was accumulation... but its gone.. and I don't want to talk about it.. I've repented, released it to God.. and the final thing I need to do.. is to talk to him about it. 'Appointment' fixed. In a way.. tomorrow before Overnight Prayer Meeting..

Well, I felt sad, disappointed and angry then. I asked why am I feeling this way.. I searched and practically dug deep into my heart.

I had the following conclusions:

- Wrong expectations.
- Pride
- Rebellious

Disobedience is also a form of rebellion, so says "Under Cover" by John Bevere.
I pointed the fault at other people initially and I knew that can't be the way. Something must have been wrong with me. And I'm glad God came through for me, spoke to me, revealed to me.. even things that I am not aware of.

I'm glad that i've been obedient to the Holy Spirit's prompting and did not sink in even deeper till I reach the point of no repentance.

Everything shall be over tomorrow after the talk. I hope.
The case will come to a close after tomorrow.
And I don't want any more episodes coming after that.

Thank You Father, for being with me, guiding me and showing me.
I thank You that You love me too much to let me stay the way I am.
I thank You that You have changed my heart and renewed my mind.
Lord, I pray that You'll hold on so tightly to me and You'll never let me go..
Lord, I want to do Your will and to stay so close with You.
Help me Lord, to daily seek Your face and be so sensitive to Your Spirit.
In Jesus' Name, Amen!

-RacheL- blogged @ 7/15/2005 01:09:00 AM